Star Wars, Chomsky and How To Boil A Dog

So...in summation of my Sunday, I have been fervently reading the works of Noam Chomsky, a linguist (possibly a cunning one) and social critic of the highest order. A while back I began reading his book "Manufacturing Consent" and so far it has been an absolute revelation. Other commitments have meant that it's been taking me a while to get through, well that and that fact that I can't read two pages of it without wanting to stab the nearest politician in the throat. Anyway, today I found some essays he has done on various subjects over the years. This one is on the supposed War on Terror...blew my mind.

Chomsky on the War on Terror, Dublin 2006

After spending most of today tediously applying for yet more jobs on t'internet, this evening I settled down and relaxed into a viewing of the almighty Star Wars. I think my favourite Star Wars story came from Harrison Ford who, for the entire shoot, was convinced he was making an absolute turkey and was about to fire his manager as a result. In fairness I imagine that being on that set, with aliens and 8ft hairy beasts ambling around, any other logical human would have probably came to the same conclusion...."All Wookies please report to Stage 9". Luckily for him, it turned out alright. Still, the earring he sports today is absolutely unforgivable.

So now it's late and has been a long week. I am convinced that there is a worldwide conspiracy to stop me from getting a good night's sleep. If it isn't the bird upstairs rampantly shagging, then it's the elevator door slamming shut, or the dump trucks in the morning, or the Koreans shouting outside. The worst one though is the dog across the hallway. One of those yapping little things that sounds like a squeaking wheel. My eye is twitching with every yelp...any day now could be the day!

Only joking of course...sort of.

JB.

P.S - 3 followers??? Woo hoo!

Rainy Day

So it's been lashing down with rain all day. I feel the need for Radiohead:

"It's Just A Ride"

Wise words from a very, very wise man. Today is the anniversary of the passing of Mr. William Melvin Hicks. Bill Hicks to you and I.

I had always been a fan of Bill's work but it wasn't until I recently read the book "Love All The People" that his legend crystalised in my mind. The book consists of numerous transcripts of his performances along with letters, essays and interviews by and with the great man. It seemed that with every page turned I learnt something new about his character and the thing that hit me most was how similar it was to mine. Now I do realise that upon writing that last sentence I may sound a little egotistical, but what I mean is that it is most comforting to know that someone else out there finds it all as confusing, absurd and ultimately interesting as yourself. Not only that but this someone happens to explore it all within the realms of comedy, a subject that has been a deep passion of mine since as far back as I can remember. In short, 16 years ago the world lost a great man. A brave, idealistic man. An unflinchingly honest and hilarious man. The last of a dying breed. If you need further proof, check out this link:

Bill Hicks Quotes

Or better yet, and being that my words can't remotely do him justice, watch this video:



Also...I heard today that there's a movie about him in the works, scripted by Ron Howard and starring Russell Crowe??? Friends, this must be stopped at all costs! I'm not even joking, stock up on flame throwers, guns, rocks...anything, and we will meet in the Hollywood Hills to have a little word with Ritchie Cunningham and put a stop to this madness right now!

In news about myself, I went on a couple of auditions yesterday which went really well. The first was for a student project, the second a gangster movie. I found out today that I got the part for the first one, which is really rather good news. For the second I'm not confident as every other bloke there was built like a brick shithouse and looked like potential murders / villains. However I am very pleased with my audition as I went in with the mindset of creeping everyone in the room out and succeeded splendidly. It's all about the little victories in life.

Finishing up "Wasted" tonight and onwards and upwards from there.

Big up!

JB

P.S - R.I.P Mr. Geoff Higgs...a true gent.

Blagging it

Today was another day of job hunting around Los Angeles. This week has been spent mostly finding an area I like, parking and walking around giving my CV (or resume) to anyone who'll have it. It has been a pleasure to find most people friendly and welcoming in this respect and I'm thinking that playing the sheer numbers game will probably be enough to get me something eventually (coincidentally also my strategy for pulling birds).

However, being that this week I'm going for restaurant jobs and I have little to no experience in that realm (in this country at least) I have swiftly learned to adapt to the art of blagging my arse off. So far I have found humor is usually the best form of situation diffuser.

So I was filling out this application for a really cool, semi-English themed bar on Melrose when I came to the "Food and Beverage Knowledge" section. Suddenly for the life of me I couldn't remember names of scotch or whether food should be served over the right shoulder and taken away over the left or vice versa or I don't know what! Anyway, there was a section on wines and which foods go with them. I came to "Chianti" and, I'm proud to say, wrote "Red. Liver. Fava Beans". Get it?

I really do hope to god that one worked! Surely they will see the genius of my sly movie reference and think I am brilliant and hire me at once? I tell you, I have seldom been so proud of a joke!

Also, stopped in to BHP tonight to figure out my return, which will be happening Monday. Thus I can get back to the craft of acting and actually enjoy it again. I have to say it felt rather lovely going back and getting what the urban folk refer to as "mad love" from everyone there.

Oh and I also solved the 2Pac murder case. All in a day's work.

Interview with Compton PD


Peace.

Quote of the Day

"At the end of the day, you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater"

(Alan Partridge on the Irish Potato Famine)

Bombs Away!

This evening I went to the Open Mic at The Comedy Store, as in the world famous one. My set went down like a lead balloon! I believe the term used in this country is "bombing" and I have been constantly told is something that all comedians have to go through. In my brief comedy career I had yet to bomb until tonight. Firstly, there really is no sound quite like a room full of silence. Secondly, I found it to be quite a liberating experience. In all honesty though the standard of comedy was such that if I did get any laughs, I would have been doing something deeply, deeply wrong. The lowest of a series of dour, low points coming when an obnoxious, pissed-out-of-her-miniscule-brain, girl performed fellatio on the microphone, then threw beer on her face. Real high-brow stuff, you know?

This was then followed by a crackhead - an actual stink-of-piss, scuttling around like a dead-eyed zombie, CRACKHEAD - coming up to me, giving me a fist bump and declaring "I'm on drugs. I'm trippin' real bad" inside the club!

I'd seen enough. I ran for the hills before any more brain cells could die a horrible death. Odd place, that Comedy Store. Maybe I just caught them on an off-night.

In the words of Don Corleone...I'm off to give myself an offer I can't refuse.

Night,

JB.

Good News

There's a headline you don't see every day:

"And once again our top story...Everything is going to be fine"

I digress.

So it would seem, judging by people's reactions at least, that my blog has already taken a somewhat downbeat turn...which was not my intention at all. I wonder if I am just a miserable bastard? That's another question for another time...because today is all about good news!

First off, our six-episode TV-Sitcom has now been submitted to the BBC. The hands of fate hold our destiny now (cue eerie music, long sinister look at camera). Fingers crossed.

Secondly, I have spent all day, and that is no underestimation, buying and building Ikea furniture with nothing more than a screwdriver. My hands are blistered and I am knackered but I am now writing this from my shiny new kitchen table which will also serve as my new workspace. Sadly this excites me far more than it should.

Finally...how fooking funny is this video? And they say toilet humor can't be funny!

Have a good week everyone,

Juan.

Oh yeah...and Happy Birthday Mum xxx

Tunes currently getting me through life:

1) Brooklyn Zoo - Ol' Dirty Bastard

2) Can you Give It - The Maccabees

3) The National Anthem - Radiohead

4) Tell Me Why - Neil Young

5) Gabrielle - Roy Davis Jr.

6) If You're Feeling Sinister - Belle & Sebastian

7) Half The World Away - Oasis

8) Bullet In The Head - Rage Against The Machine

9) LA Woman - The Doors

10) After The Storm - Mumford & Sons

Reality Bites...

Okay friends. I will not lie to you, this has been a most difficult couple of weeks. Not in the grand scheme of things of course - I still have my health, wits and a roof over my head - but relatively speaking.

My shiny new existence as a budding film star / comedian / writer, director, world-beater extraordinaire took a bit of a knock almost as soon as it began. The day after I moved in I got a call from my mother saying that my grandfather had passed away. This news hit me extremely hard and I immediately made plans to fly back to London to attend his funeral.

So before I knew what was what I found myself back in the old country. His funeral was a beautiful service and a more than fitting tribute to a truly wonderful man. Listening to his life story made me feel absolutely inadequate, lazy and...well, basically a pathetic little kitten in comparison to this great man.

So I spent a wonderful week in the warm, welcoming embrace of my family and friends, only to leave it all and head back to this...reality!

Since I have returned, the grim reality of my situation has hit me like a slap in the face from a large, wet mackerel.

You see...delusional as I am, it was my impression that the act of simply quitting my job and moving up here would be enough. I made the assumption that people would immediately recognise the wonder and delight of my remarkable talents and literally come beating down my door with offers of movies, TV shows and sell-out tours.

Remarkably, this hasn't been the case. Indeed, quite the opposite.

My cause hasn't been helped by me making one or two huge industry "boo-boos" already. They are as follows:

1) Emailing a casting director saying "Hey, I'm great. You should hire me". A HUGE mistake and one that should not be taken lightly. Make note friends...casting directors will blacklist your arse without hesitation if you do this.

2) Submitting for SAG roles - fine if you're a member of the Screen Actors Guild. Not so much if you're not, which I am not.

3) Auditioning for a commercial, then openly lambasting the product you are promoting - Basically I was auditioning for a paid job, well within my reach, and blew it when the room was asked "At this price, would you buy this product?" I practically shouted "No chance", much to the room's astonishment. Needless to say, I am still awaiting their call.

NOTE: Honesty is not always the best option.

On top of this, I am finding that all this talk of recession is not as far-fetched as I once thought. As I'm finding a "normal" job just as hard to come by.

Still, anything worth having is worth fighting for and fight I shall. Despite my inner yearning to run screaming back home to England and the sanctity of a sane life, I will continue in my dreams.

I'm pretty sure I heard a homeless bloke mumbling the same thing while eating a rotten banana out of his own sock.

Peace and Love

John.

R.I.P - John Dicker Sr.

P.S - This is pretty much the best song ever, enjoy...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2lNf2WHxeI

The 4th Day

Hello to all and to all, welcome to my new blog.

To anyone that cares, I have decided - since recently embarking on a brave new life of art, creation and poverty - to begin chronicling my adventures on this wonderful new phenomenon called the in-ter-net? (Not sure if I'm spelling that right).

On these very pages will be my deepest, most intimate thoughts, concerns and general misgivings of a man trying to claw his way up the entertainment ladder. The road to glory is paved with many obstacles my friends, we will need to band together as one and fight off the evil that is mediocrity. Not all of you will survive, but those that do will be suckling at the teet of mother nature's bosom, basking in the warm glow of victory (as a two-bob prostie once told me)

Anyway, 4 days in now and my emotions have ranged from "What the f**k am I doing?" to "Oh my god, I'm going to be an actual failure".

And people call me negative? Bah!

To be continued (when more interesting things happen in my life, beyond rigorous right-forearm workouts of course)

Clip of the Day - if this doesn't make you laugh, nothing will...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0ogYWgNzjs

Peace and love

John.