Hello

Slowly the sloth emerged from it's cave; it's eyes burning from the daylight, it's hair greasy and lank, it's bones protruding from the flesh. The creature, malnourished and broken, inched forward into what appeared to be a brave new world. The blinding light of day gradually began to subside, pouring the world back into the creatures eyes. A new lease of life flowed through his tired veins and he uttered to himself "must....update....blog".

So here we are folks. A new record for me neglecting this pointless debacle has been set and here I am with a spare 20 minutes to fill all of you wonderful people (see: no-one) on what's been going on in my sorry little life.

First, I ventured across land and ocean and found myself back in London for a wee while. Now, I'm not usually one for banging on about the weather but my god it was beautiful. I haven't been back in the summer for years, let alone when every single day was a blazing haven of sunshine and laughter as it was in this case. England really is an entirely different country when the sun is out. A lovely time was had by me and all involved...I think.

Next, we had the official premiere of my sketch show "Starving In Hollywood". To give you the cliff notes, people weren't laughing as hard as I expected for the first 20 minutes. Therefore I threw what can only be described as a "tantrum" and went outside for a bit. However, after the intermission the entire crowd was absolutely rolling and I think it's safe to say that what then transpired was one of the best nights I've ever had. I could not be more proud of the finished product and the responses we've had have been nothing short of fantastic. So far so wonderful as far as that goes. Of course, since then I've been battling the inevitable despair that follows finishing a huge project, and the rigmarole of trying to monetize the bastard....but more on that later.

In other news, I'm addicted to the show "Geordie Shore" - which is literally about a bunch of complete morons from Newcastle fighting, shagging, and generally dumbing down the next generation almost single-handedly. Example quote: "Today we're ganning skydiving. The only thing better would be if I had a bird strapped to us, instead of a bloke, and she was sucking me off". I need help, I know.

Films I've seen and enjoyed include:

"Cloud Atlas" - which I thought was absolutely brilliant. I can't even begin to explain what it was about but having now seen it twice, I think it's pretty much a masterpiece. I think.

"Side Effects" - Steven Soderbergh is the nuts of a director and his cool, steady hand is all over this thriller about depression medication.

"Rosemary's Baby" - A classic from the 60's featuring a star-making performance from Mia Farrow and some truly creepy stuff happening. The 'hail satan' scenes alone make this film worth watching.

"Fruitvale Station" - Winner of Sundance, indie sensation and absolute heartbreaker. The true story of the last day of Oscar Grant III is a gut-wrenching, beautifully made film. Oscar season watch out.

"Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa" - Although nothing of cinematic note takes place and the new Alan Partridge bares little to no resemblance to the old Alan Partridge, it still made me laugh.

TV Shit beyond Geordie Shore I'm watching:

"The Wire" - I'm now up to season 2 and it's great. Hard to follow, but great nonetheless.

"Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men" - Again, much like Geordie Shore, I am acutely aware that this is absolute trash TV. However, I think Danny Dyer might be the funniest human alive, without having a clue about it. Unless he does, in which case the man is a genius.

"Breaking Bad" - The last 8 episodes have begun and tickle me sideways it's already getting completely mental. I forgot just how masterful this show is. As soon as the first episode of the last season ended, I remembered.

Other than that it's all the same old guff. I'm sure I've done more interesting things and will feel the need to write about those interesting things in vivid and unnecessary detail in the near future but for now, the kettle has boiled and I'm off to have a nice cup of tea.

Peace and Love,

JB.

Starving In Hollywood - Trailer #2

Well, folks. Guess who drank too much coffee and did a new trailer in the twilight hours of yestermorn? Me. Enjoy.



Cheers,

JB.

Love Is... (Outtakes)

So, as my current my project inches towards completion, it took me back to Vimeo where I found this. Brought back some good memories.




Cheers,

JB.

Fitch The Homeless

Well, this is about the best thing I've seen in a while. Bravo, that man.



JB.

Quote Of The Day

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man"

-- George Bernard Shaw

6 Word Film Reviews: "Flight"

Thoroughly entertaining, if slightly predictable, yarn.

JB.

A Word About Kickstarter

So...for anyone who has been living in a cave the past few years, or simply has a life which has nothing to with the industry, the emergence of a phenomenon known as "Crowd Funding" has become ever more prominent. Basically, if you're interested in raising money for a project you're working on - typically a film, TV show, or some other kind of venture in the arts, you can start a campaign. The idea being that people offer up their cash and you offer some reward, like if you donate 10 dollars you get a signed script, or for 500 you get to be in it for a day etc. A noble cause and fantastic way to raise money for your project. If you know a thousand people who can chip in a fiver, you already laughing. Sometimes, of course, you may find the occasional parasite looking for a quick grand because they feel "glum", but more on that another time.

Anyway, for us independent film-types out there, the birth of sites like IndieGoGo and KickStarter were nothing but a blessing. In theory at least. You see, for people like myself or friends in a similar situation - unknown, unfamous, unproven and no "in" with Warner Bros, or The Weinstein Company - it's a nice way to get some money off the ground and edge closer to making your dreams come true.

That was then. This is now.

Yesterday I had the misfortune of stumbling across one campaign by TV & Film star, Zach Braff. He has decided that he now wants to direct his second feature film (after the decidedly mediocre "Garden State" in 2004). However, Mr. Braff has decided that his fame, fortune, hook-ups to an untold network of producers, actors, agents, distributors, financiers, cinematographers, locations etc etc etc is not enough for his liking. He needs more creative control. So, he decided to follow in the footsteps of people like Charlie Kaufman and, more recently, the "Veronica Mars" franchise (which raised an ungodly 5 million dollars), and start his very own Kickstarter campaign...to panhandle the public with the promise that for the throwaway sum of $10,000, you can meet old Zachy boy and his wacky gang. He has asked for 2 million dollars. He has so far raised, and at this moment of writing he still has 27 days left (yes, 27), $1,967,804. Not bad going, eh?

Another award? Oh, go on then.

Now this might just be me (it often is) but does anyone else out there find it incredibly offensive that someone at his level deems it fit to essentially prey on his fans for money? "Hey guys, you love me, right? Of course you do. Anyway, the big bad studio wudio's won't let me have final cut and I can't really be arsed to go through the traditional rigamarole of finding actual investors for my newest masterpiece. Sooo, give me some money. K? Yes, I know you're all working stiffs and I'm one of the luckiest men alive whose made a career doing what I love and made a princely fortune doing it, but come on guys, look how quirky and cool me and my friends are." Nauseating.

Stop me if I'm wrong here, but I see the entire point of 'crowd-funding' as being that it exists for people who couldn't otherwise raise the funds themselves. Not mega-famous, mega-successful people to swoop in and take advantage of the good-nature of their fans. Surely that is the very antithesis of what the entire purpose of crowd-funding is all about? But, of course, where there's a good will and a dollar, it's only a matter of time before the vultures start circling. What sickens me most is that, at some point, a conversation must have occurred wherein Braff and his allies calculated that Braff has 'X' amount of fans, times 'Y' the average amount of that fans will donate, then minus 'Z' the amount we don't want to ask for so we don't look cocky, and equated exactly what they would need to do to maximize the public's goodwill. Which I personally find cynical and exploitive beyond belief.

Minion #1: "But Zach...Kaufman and Veronica Mars tripled their amounts and they're not half as popular as you" 
Braff: "I know, but we want to keep in the spirit of the thing, so let's go for two million and we'll probably get ten" 
Minion #2: "Well, what are we going to do with the extra money we raise? Offer back-end points, or other financial incentives typically involved with financing a film?"
Braff: "No, I'm buying an Island in the Maldives"
All: "Yaaaaaaaaay"

Because folks, my point is this: I have seen many, many, kickstarter campaigns come and go in the last few years and the difference between the successful ones and the non has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the project, the professionalism of the campaign or the spirit of those involved in the making of it. No, as seems to be the way in this day and age, the key to raising finances is being popular. Or, to put it in context, having a vast network of people to finance from. It makes sense I suppose as the more people you know, the less they have to donate and the more likely they are to do so, again, regardless of the quality of the campaign. I can't tell you the amount of times I've seen friends of mine limp towards financial failure because their honest, noble, tentacles just aren't as far-reaching as they need to be. It's a lot harder to raise what you need than it sounds. Trust me, folks.

But I'm not bitter about that and it's certainly not the case that I don't support the rebellious nature of the whole endeavor, it's not even that I don't support the arts or anything like that. I absolutely do, with all my heart. It's simply that it's hard enough for us bottom-feeders to get any sort of meal in the Serengeti plains of Hollywood. Especially with the emergence of the internet as a new networking medium. The last thing we need is a bunch of already-stuffed Lions swaggering into our territory and feasting on all our scraps too. However, it's a trend that I can only see growing over the next few years.

Well, let's all paint on a smile and furrow forward at a snail's pace.

Rant over.

JB.

Tunes Currently Tempering My Psychosis

1) Breakers - Local Natives
2) Finger - TY Seagall
3) Get Lucky - Daft Punk
4) Reverse Running - Atoms For Peace
5) Glad Tidings - Van Morrison
6) The World Is A Ghetto - George Benson
7) Winter Birds - Ray Lamontagne
8) Begin The Beguine - Artie Shaw
9) Seek It - Richard Hawley
10) Daytona 500 - Ghostface Killah

Michael Shannon - Legend

So this week I went to a screening of Michael Shannon's new film "The Iceman", a biopic of mob-hitman and all around lunatic Richard Kuklinski. I already knew a bit about the man so I went in with high hopes. However, I'm sorry to say the film was a massive disappointment, the only highlight being seeing David Schwimmer playing a mafia villain, which was fecking hilarious.

However, after the screening they had a Q&A with Shannon himself, an actor who I personally think is one of the best working at the moment (for further proof, check out "Take Shelter" or "Boardwalk Empire"). I couldn't help but be engulfed by the man himself, who - despite his often borderline insane on-screen persona - just oozes charisma and, most importantly, class. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a successful actor who has the right attitude about it all. Just a very down to earth human being, to the point where - after fielding moronic question and moronic question from the audience (free screenings attract LA's finest mentalists, including a pony-tailed man who I caught drinking out of the bathroom sink) - the orator wanted to call a halt to proceedings, only for old Mikey to offer to stay and answer more inane questions from the geek squad before him. That alone, friends, is worthy of my applause.

Anyway, this dealing with a man who's career is about to skyrocket, came at the perfect time for me personally as lord knows I am getting severely jaded with the bottom-feeder crowd here in Hollywood. It reminded me once again that you don't have to be a twat to succeed in life and if there is any further doubt as to Shannon's legend status, just watch this video - which is him reading a REAL letter from a Sorority girl to her chapter. Brilliant:

Cheers,

JB.

Proper Ganda

So, away I have been once again from this here blog space. Largely because I'm getting a little sick of all the "anonymous" comments from Nigerians offering me free money and/or a penis enlargement. I'll tell you what I told them...it's fine the way it is, thanks. My money situation, I mean.

Anyway, so in my time away I managed to finally sit down and watch Kathryn Bigelow's "Zero Dark Thirty". Now, since it's release I have purposely avoided this film like the plague. This would be because, as anyone who cares to know me knows, I am staunchly against the politics involved in the whole sordid affair (if you care to know more, drop me an anonymous line offering penis goodies). 

So, against my better instincts and partially out of pure boredom, I decided to sit down and give it a whirl. For anyone who doesn't know, the plot is based entirely on the hunt and, ultimately, destruction of one Osama Bin Laden: bad guy numero uno of the last 10 years. 

For the entire first ten minutes I sat with my finger hovering over the stop button as some absolute moron mercilessly tortured a man for information while spouting absurdities like "everyone breaks, bro". I was appalled and so far, the film was exactly what I had first feared - nothing more than a piece of self-gratifying propaganda for the United States and their foreign policies. "Rah, rah, rah, aren't we all a jolly bunch of trained killers"-type stuff. 

Once the first ten minutes subsided, I found myself unwittingly swept along in the frankly quite pulsating storyline, told with absolutely expert direction by Bigelow (who, let's face it, knows how to make a film). By the end I was positively gnawing at my fingernails, such was the amount of tension that had built up in that time, this despite me knowing the end. Obviously. 

The performances were first class, the score brilliant and the cinematography pretty flawless, particularly in the final "storm the compound" sequence. As the credits rolled, I found myself taking it all back and declaring it one of the better films I'd seen in recent memory. Forget all the politics, murky moral waters and potential debate involved, that was just a bloody good yarn. It was sensitive to the material involved and overall a very well made film which wasn't exploitative at all. And, with that, off I went to live my vacant little life once again. 

However...when the clock struck late and I rested my head on the pillow a thought suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks and that thought went something like "OF COURSE IT IS!!!" 

You see, when engaging in any form of propaganda the key ingredient is for it not to look like you're engaging in propaganda. That's the whole point. In this day and age, and wise as people here in the US are, of course they're not going to back some ridiculous Bin Laden-baying gorefest directed by Paul Verhoven. No, that would be far too obvious. Of course, as Goebbels did in fascist Germany, you hire the best filmmakers to make the best film possible to further the agenda of those who want it furthered. Now, I'm not for a second comparing the US Government to Nazi Germany, I'm just saying, what better way than to document the murder of the boogeyman than to hire an Oscar-nominated director to adapt a best-selling novel into something that will most likely serve as 99.9% of people's account of what really happened the night OBL got smoked. 

Daniel Day Lewis said of his role in "Lincoln" that it gave him sleepless nights because he knew that for an entire generation of people, his portrayal of honest Abe would be the only one that people would ever know. It's true. When you ask people how Bin Laden went down, you'll think of a bunch of muscular, cool, wise-cracking Americans wiping him out with ease and panache. What you will not remember, nor ever care to actually find out is the truth. And why would you? You know what happened, you now know a spectacularly slick version of how A got to B, so why would anyone ever need to know, or care to know, anything more? Job done, and in a manner that George Orwell would be mighty proud of. 

As a method of propaganda, the film could not be more effective. It gleefully ignores the fact that women and other people (who are unknown) get casually shot in the face on the way to the end of the film. It joyously glides over the fact that some numpty gets choked, drowned and put in a small box, because they got what they needed. Delightedly it dances by the sheer facts of how many innocent, repeat innocent, women, children - and men for that matter - died in the search for this twat. Instead we find ourselves going..."Oooo, I hope Jessica Chastain doesn't get humiliated in her next meeting. She needs results, and quick". The absolute perfect distraction. Fuck, even I didn't care about the innocent souls lost in this fight by the end of the film...and I care...a lot! A masterful job by all involved.

Yes, the film was sensitive to the potential molotov cocktail of emotions that could be stirred by it. No, it wasn't half as "Rah, Rah" as it could have been but I think the makers (and backers) of this film were smart enough to know that it doesn't need to be any of those things. We already got him, we already celebrated. Let's just show everyone how we think they should think we did it. It's very existence is enough to permeate the minds of the masses in this country and will absolutely leave everyone who's seen it with at least a subliminal feeling of "America...fuck yeah". 

Maybe I'm a lefty, commie, nut. Maybe I'm the only sane man in the room. I don't know. The one thing I do know is that Baked Potatoes are delicious and mine just finished cooking. So we'll leave it there.

Cheers,

JB.