"Since I broke up with my girlfriend, I'm looking on the bright side of things. It's been good for my career. I'm a driven man now. I'm driven by a fantasy that the girl who I loved more than anything in the world, will one day be living in a trailer park in Oklahoma. She's gonna have nine naked children with rickets who bring home dead animals from the side of the road for dinner. She's married to a 600-pound ex-welder with fur on his back who drinks warm beer, beats the children and watches Dukes of Hazzard every night...and has to have it explained to him.
One night he's gonna be making love to her and his heart's gonna explode and she'll be trapped under six-hundred pounds of flaccid, fish-belly, cellulite shifting like the tides of the ocean as blood and phlegm and bile and chomped tobacco pours out of his mouth and nose and into her face. And just before she drowns in that chunky puddle of afterbirth, she turns to the TV and sees me on The Tonight Show."
-- Bill Hicks
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