Well, here I am back in England where it's cold, rainy and dark. However the Christmas spirit is in full effect and drunkenly wandering around the streets of London last night made me realise what a beautiful city I live on the doorstep of.
Anyway, enough of that. Here is part one of The Star Wars Holiday Special - a two-hour xmas television event that aired back in 1977 (after 'A New Hope' became the biggest grossing film of all time). Words cannot begin to describe how hilariously shit this thing is, however when George Lucas himself says "If I had the time and a hammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it" you know it's going to be bad. After all, this is the same man who put out "A Phantom Menace".
Enough from me, just sit back and enjoy the brilliance...
JB.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
More Frames...
So, this week I have managed to skulk myself into not one, but two free screenings of Christmas blockbusters - and by blockbusters I mean highly anticipated, mega-budget, 3-D spectaculars. The results, folks, have been interesting.
First up "The Hobbit". Now, I am a self-confessed Lord of the Rings maniac, therefore I could not have been wetter with anticipation over this film...at first. Now, as seems to always happen around the actual release time of a film I'm into, I found myself not being that fussed by the whole affair. I suddenly fell into the old "it's not gonna be as good as the first lot" way of thinking. However, last night, as soon as the opening titles began I found myself giddy as a lovesick schoolgirl. The rest of the three hours was absolute, open-mouthed, fan-boy bliss. I thought it was out-bloody-standing.
Except one thing.
For anyone who doesn't know, Peter Jackson decided to shoot the entire Hobbit Trilogy digitally at 48 frames per second. For anyone who doesn't know what on earth that means, the frame rate required to achieve live motion has always been traditionally 24fps, which of course came from film passing through light at a certain speed to achieve the art of "motion pictures". Shooting at twice the frame rate, in theory, should make the image clearer and almost entirely eradicate the problem of motion blur, which happens when cameras whip around too fast etc. One problem though, it looks terrible.
You see, I consider the first LOTR batch to be some of the most visually stunning films ever made. Not once did I, or do I, find myself thinking "god, if only this bloody motion blur wasn't there I'd be loving this". No, instead I just involuntarily let out the sound "weeeeeee" at various intervals. But there were long stretches of The Hobbit where I found myself removed from the action purely because of the 48 frames thing. Some action sequences look exactly, and I mean EXACTLY, like a video game. A massive disappointment.
The upside of this shooting format was the actual act of camera motion. When it moves, you really do move with it (as apparently evidenced by the amount of people complaining of motion sickness at advanced screenings) which, I must admit, is quite a thrill. I just wish people would stop relying on gimmicks or technological tricks to tell a story. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Upon leaving the cinema, my first thought was "I would love to see that again, at 24 frames and NOT in 3-D"
However, there is another side to that argument and that side is represented by Ang Lee's "Life of Pi". Again, after seeing the trailer, my ignorant idiot side immediately dismissed this film as 'green-screen shite' and I had no desire to see it whatsoever. As luck would have it though, I got into a free screening on Monday night. I was mildly curious purely for the fact that A) it was Ang Lee, who is a bloody good director and B) I couldn't remember the last time I went into a film knowing absolutely nothing about it. What followed completely blew my little mind.
This was also in 3-D (only the second film I'd ever watched in that format) and immediately I realised I was in for a treat. From the opening shot this film is a visual feast. From there it goes on to be one of the most spectacular things I've ever seen in the cinema, if not the most. I have never seen anything like it. At night I closed my eyes and still had the sensation of being in the ocean. Incredible. Of course it helped that the story was fascinating and the lead performance (from an unknown Indian kid) was nothing short of brilliant.
But that's my point, see. I knew I had one. My point is that technology is all well and good if used correctly. In the case of Peter Jackson, the technology as hand was used magnificently to create Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit needed not anything beyond that. Because all the technology in the world can't save a bad story (George Lucas, I'm looking at you...) but it can help a good one massively, like Life of Pi, but the story should never be the special effects, which it was with Avatar, it is with all the Transformers shithouses and almost became with The Hobbit. Point is, the story should always come first. Yes, that was me - a so far unproven talent of any kind - berating some of the more successful directors in history. You did read that right and I am aware of the 'those in glass houses' theory. However, it's my bloody blog and I'll say what I want!
I'm off to play with my precious.
JB.
Except one thing.
For anyone who doesn't know, Peter Jackson decided to shoot the entire Hobbit Trilogy digitally at 48 frames per second. For anyone who doesn't know what on earth that means, the frame rate required to achieve live motion has always been traditionally 24fps, which of course came from film passing through light at a certain speed to achieve the art of "motion pictures". Shooting at twice the frame rate, in theory, should make the image clearer and almost entirely eradicate the problem of motion blur, which happens when cameras whip around too fast etc. One problem though, it looks terrible.
You see, I consider the first LOTR batch to be some of the most visually stunning films ever made. Not once did I, or do I, find myself thinking "god, if only this bloody motion blur wasn't there I'd be loving this". No, instead I just involuntarily let out the sound "weeeeeee" at various intervals. But there were long stretches of The Hobbit where I found myself removed from the action purely because of the 48 frames thing. Some action sequences look exactly, and I mean EXACTLY, like a video game. A massive disappointment.
The upside of this shooting format was the actual act of camera motion. When it moves, you really do move with it (as apparently evidenced by the amount of people complaining of motion sickness at advanced screenings) which, I must admit, is quite a thrill. I just wish people would stop relying on gimmicks or technological tricks to tell a story. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Upon leaving the cinema, my first thought was "I would love to see that again, at 24 frames and NOT in 3-D"
This was also in 3-D (only the second film I'd ever watched in that format) and immediately I realised I was in for a treat. From the opening shot this film is a visual feast. From there it goes on to be one of the most spectacular things I've ever seen in the cinema, if not the most. I have never seen anything like it. At night I closed my eyes and still had the sensation of being in the ocean. Incredible. Of course it helped that the story was fascinating and the lead performance (from an unknown Indian kid) was nothing short of brilliant.
But that's my point, see. I knew I had one. My point is that technology is all well and good if used correctly. In the case of Peter Jackson, the technology as hand was used magnificently to create Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit needed not anything beyond that. Because all the technology in the world can't save a bad story (George Lucas, I'm looking at you...) but it can help a good one massively, like Life of Pi, but the story should never be the special effects, which it was with Avatar, it is with all the Transformers shithouses and almost became with The Hobbit. Point is, the story should always come first. Yes, that was me - a so far unproven talent of any kind - berating some of the more successful directors in history. You did read that right and I am aware of the 'those in glass houses' theory. However, it's my bloody blog and I'll say what I want!
I'm off to play with my precious.
JB.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Tunes Currently Pickling My Onion
2) Negative Creep - Nirvana
3) Three Days Later - De La Soul
4) Go - Pearl Jam
5) Lovely Day - Bill Withers
6) Rabbia e Tarantella - Ennio Morricone
7) Inside My Love - Minnie Ripperton
8) Guerilla Monsoon Rap - Talib Kweli
9) Dead Sea - The Lumineers
10) The Door - Turin Brakes
JB.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Quote of the Day
"Since I broke up with my girlfriend, I'm looking on the bright side of things. It's been good for my career. I'm a driven man now. I'm driven by a fantasy that the girl who I loved more than anything in the world, will one day be living in a trailer park in Oklahoma. She's gonna have nine naked children with rickets who bring home dead animals from the side of the road for dinner. She's married to a 600-pound ex-welder with fur on his back who drinks warm beer, beats the children and watches Dukes of Hazzard every night...and has to have it explained to him.
One night he's gonna be making love to her and his heart's gonna explode and she'll be trapped under six-hundred pounds of flaccid, fish-belly, cellulite shifting like the tides of the ocean as blood and phlegm and bile and chomped tobacco pours out of his mouth and nose and into her face. And just before she drowns in that chunky puddle of afterbirth, she turns to the TV and sees me on The Tonight Show."
-- Bill Hicks
Friday, December 7, 2012
Absurd Rap Lyrics: #2,097
"Dead in the middle of little Italy, little did we know that we riddled two middle men who didn't do diddley..."
Big Pun - "Twinz (Deep Cover '98)"
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The Book of Face
So, after much bitching and whining from my friends and family, I decided to re-instate my facebook account. Initially I was most reticent to do this as I felt my initial point, whatever that was, was being proven and being proven well. I will not lie my friends, I took untold pleasure from saying to people "Sorry, luv, I'm not on facebook.....now smell this hanky"
After getting my account back, at first things proceeded much the same as they did before. I barely even checked my account, it was almost as if I didn't even have an account, certainly not one that I cared about. In fact, the only time I would ever even log in would be if I received an email from someone. The battle for my collected conscience, it seemed, had been won.
That was then. This is now.
Now, about a month later, I find myself - twitching and crouching like Gollum in his cave - almost involuntarily logging in to the site. Every time I've got a free few seconds, some demon takes possession of my being and forces my reluctant fingers to type my username and password, completely against my will. Every logical part of my brain knows there is nothing to be found there. No nourishment whatsoever. None. Not spiritually, emotionally, physically (well....let's not go that far), nothing. However I can do absolutely nothing about it. It's got me and I don't know what to do but delete my account and rid myself of this terrible curse once and for all.
I mean, and this is just one example, I logged in this morning to find at least 53 updates talking about snow. Fucking SNOW! I can feel myself becoming dumber by the second. I'm tempted to start using heroin to compensate. Not only would facebook become suddenly far less important, but there would also be all manor of medical help available should I ever wish to quit. Mark my words, people, for I am certain, many many years from now, it will be revealed that this whole thing was created by government mind control experts to keep the masses docile, apathetic and thus less likely to revolt. The enemy has many spies...
JB.
P.S - I'm not sure, but I think it's snowing in England.
After getting my account back, at first things proceeded much the same as they did before. I barely even checked my account, it was almost as if I didn't even have an account, certainly not one that I cared about. In fact, the only time I would ever even log in would be if I received an email from someone. The battle for my collected conscience, it seemed, had been won.
That was then. This is now.
Now, about a month later, I find myself - twitching and crouching like Gollum in his cave - almost involuntarily logging in to the site. Every time I've got a free few seconds, some demon takes possession of my being and forces my reluctant fingers to type my username and password, completely against my will. Every logical part of my brain knows there is nothing to be found there. No nourishment whatsoever. None. Not spiritually, emotionally, physically (well....let's not go that far), nothing. However I can do absolutely nothing about it. It's got me and I don't know what to do but delete my account and rid myself of this terrible curse once and for all.
I mean, and this is just one example, I logged in this morning to find at least 53 updates talking about snow. Fucking SNOW! I can feel myself becoming dumber by the second. I'm tempted to start using heroin to compensate. Not only would facebook become suddenly far less important, but there would also be all manor of medical help available should I ever wish to quit. Mark my words, people, for I am certain, many many years from now, it will be revealed that this whole thing was created by government mind control experts to keep the masses docile, apathetic and thus less likely to revolt. The enemy has many spies...
JB.
P.S - I'm not sure, but I think it's snowing in England.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Mired In Muck
Good day fellow Earth dwellers,
Once again (and I'm aware there is a recurring theme developing here) this blog has been sorely neglected, leaving my hordes of salivating fans hungry and desperate for new material. So, to the many thousands of you that have been in contact with not just myself but the world's media, I wholeheartedly apologise. However, in my defence, it has been a very busy time. When I'm not editing reels for the actors of this town, I am home and editing our sketch show - the mighty "Starving In Hollywood". Now, when writing and creating said show, I thought "oh, this will be easy, each item will be a pleasurable summer's breeze to edit. Then it will be simply a matter of putting them side by side and Robert's your mother's brother". This has proven to NOT be the case.
You see, when creating fake reality shows, games shows, commercials, music videos, news reports etc etc etc I had sorely neglected the need for Motion Graphics. Motion Graphics? What the feck is that? I hear you hark. Well, friends, it is essentially the combination of visual arts, animation and sound design which is, to my feeble brain, an abominable nightmare to edit. You see, it's not like editing a film, which is difficult enough, where there is a single narrative, and merely a manipulation of image and sound to create a story. Here you are doing that EVERY SINGLE TIME you begin a new sketch. Each one requires an almost ungodly amount of title cards, animated images, flashy, snazzy cuts, and all manner of visual and audio special effects.
Some people reading that may think...piece of piss, what's he complaining about?...and to that I say, CALL ME. With immediate effect, as someone who actually knows how to do this stuff would be wonderful. However, as you might expect, these Motion Graphics chaps are in high demand and very short supply. So the burden has mostly fell on the shoulders of yours truly. Now, I'm not saying I mind, but yet again I find myself hopelessly in over my head and learning everything on the fly. The good thing is that it is all learnable and all of it is learnable in the bowels of youtube, where any question I may have is swiftly answered by a 12 year-old with a nifty "how to" video. Indeed it has been these interactions with the younglings of the interweb (take that how you will) which have slowly restored my faith in humanity. I think it speaks to the very best of human nature that these people spend hours toiling away finding out how to decipher this stuff, then have the good grace to put their findings online for simpletons like me to borrow and learn from. Those people should be the fibre of our society and lauded as such.
The good news at the end of all this is that we are getting closer and closer to having a rather excellent series on our hands (at least...it makes me laugh) and something that will stand forever. I suppose that's the beauty of art isn't it? No matter how much toil and tyranny one suffers in creating it, when it's done, it's there forever - a capsule in time. It matters not that that time capsule may feature items such as "Willy Circus", "Dingo vs. Baby" and "Little Abortion Annie" it is still a time capsule nonetheless.
Love and other shite.
JB.
Once again (and I'm aware there is a recurring theme developing here) this blog has been sorely neglected, leaving my hordes of salivating fans hungry and desperate for new material. So, to the many thousands of you that have been in contact with not just myself but the world's media, I wholeheartedly apologise. However, in my defence, it has been a very busy time. When I'm not editing reels for the actors of this town, I am home and editing our sketch show - the mighty "Starving In Hollywood". Now, when writing and creating said show, I thought "oh, this will be easy, each item will be a pleasurable summer's breeze to edit. Then it will be simply a matter of putting them side by side and Robert's your mother's brother". This has proven to NOT be the case.
 |
| Never trust your television, kids. |
You see, when creating fake reality shows, games shows, commercials, music videos, news reports etc etc etc I had sorely neglected the need for Motion Graphics. Motion Graphics? What the feck is that? I hear you hark. Well, friends, it is essentially the combination of visual arts, animation and sound design which is, to my feeble brain, an abominable nightmare to edit. You see, it's not like editing a film, which is difficult enough, where there is a single narrative, and merely a manipulation of image and sound to create a story. Here you are doing that EVERY SINGLE TIME you begin a new sketch. Each one requires an almost ungodly amount of title cards, animated images, flashy, snazzy cuts, and all manner of visual and audio special effects.
 |
| A good, healthy, political debate |
Some people reading that may think...piece of piss, what's he complaining about?...and to that I say, CALL ME. With immediate effect, as someone who actually knows how to do this stuff would be wonderful. However, as you might expect, these Motion Graphics chaps are in high demand and very short supply. So the burden has mostly fell on the shoulders of yours truly. Now, I'm not saying I mind, but yet again I find myself hopelessly in over my head and learning everything on the fly. The good thing is that it is all learnable and all of it is learnable in the bowels of youtube, where any question I may have is swiftly answered by a 12 year-old with a nifty "how to" video. Indeed it has been these interactions with the younglings of the interweb (take that how you will) which have slowly restored my faith in humanity. I think it speaks to the very best of human nature that these people spend hours toiling away finding out how to decipher this stuff, then have the good grace to put their findings online for simpletons like me to borrow and learn from. Those people should be the fibre of our society and lauded as such.
 |
| Perfectly normal... |
The good news at the end of all this is that we are getting closer and closer to having a rather excellent series on our hands (at least...it makes me laugh) and something that will stand forever. I suppose that's the beauty of art isn't it? No matter how much toil and tyranny one suffers in creating it, when it's done, it's there forever - a capsule in time. It matters not that that time capsule may feature items such as "Willy Circus", "Dingo vs. Baby" and "Little Abortion Annie" it is still a time capsule nonetheless.
Love and other shite.
JB.
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