Heroes to Humanity #33 - Stephen Merchant

He stands at a ridiculous height. He is built like a girl's bicycle. He looks, for all intents and purposes, like a circus freak. However, his genius in the realms of comedy knows no bounds. He is Stephen Merchant.

For anyone who doesn't know, Steve is the co-creator of The Office (the original of course) and generally less revered half of the old Gervais/Merchant comedy brainbox. While Gervais lauds it around the globe enjoying the fruits of mega-stardom, he will be the first to tell you that he wouldn't be sh*t without his lanky, goggle-eyed friend.

Merchant's career began as a failed stand-up comedian. He was then hired as Ricky Gervais' assistant at indie radio channel XFM because, according to Gervais, "it was the first CV on my desk". From there the two went on to host the saturday afternoon show, which, as I can attest to, was bloody hilarious. Then came The Office - brought about because Stephen had to film something for his directing class and asked Gervais to do his "creepy boss guy". Thus began one of the greatest comedy creations in history.

Despite the odd cameo here and there, Merchant remained relatively unknown until 2005's "Extras" where he played hapless agent Darren Lamb. Finally people noticed how f**king funny the man is. I for one, think his performance in that programme was one of the funniest I've seen, as evidenced by this hilarious video:

Yes there's been a few misguided attempts at film-making since then (The Invention of Lying, Cemetary Junction - both shit) but there's also been the Podcasts, "An Idiot Abroad" and I await their latest sitcom "Life's Too Short" - about the trails and tribulations of a showbiz dwarf - with baited breath.

Maximum respect, sir. Keep up the good work.

John.

An Appropriate Response...

Amid all the media moral panic, it's nice to read someone with the proper perspective on the London Riots:

"Panic on the streets of London" - Laurie Penny

JB.

London's Burning!

So, as I sit here right now, foggy London town is being burned to the ground by rampaging gangs of masked youths. Or, more accurately, a bunch of chavvy little twerps are setting cars on fire and stealing cigarettes and snickers bars. It started in Tottenham and quickly spread to other shit-holes around town...Peckham, Brixton, Hackney, Croydon etc. (Coincidence? Mmmm.)

Now, me personally, I'm not adverse to a bit of a riot every now and then. Show the people in charge that the rules can be changed if need be, you know? However, as always, what starts as a genuine angry protest (in this case, the wrongful shooting of a man by the police) often gets corrupted by the criminal element and all relevant cause is immediately discredited in a haze of mindless chavvery. Now, if a family member of mine was wrongfully shot by the police, I would happily take to the streets (or least give it some serious thought). However, most people are just out looking to run around and cause some damage. This is where it goes wrong.

The problem with the nature of rioting is the way it invariably gets dealt with by the police. They have only one option...extreme force. They have no time to decipher who is friend and who is foe, therefore they have to just batter everyone who gets in the way. Of course some of these people are innocents who deserve this not one bit. Thus an innocent man trying to get home gets shoved to the ground and the dogs set on him, what's he going to do? Pick up a bottle and start throwing. Therein the situation becomes further inflamed and it goes on and on. So expect this to continue for at least another couple of days.

One thing I've never understood is the looting aspect of it. What is the benefit of breaking into your local newsagents and pilfering all the copies of Mens World? Exactly what statement are you trying to make? "I will speak out against police brutality by masturbating furiously for days on end! That'll show 'em!" That's merely being a moron. Also, by smashing up and setting fire to your own neighbourhoods, you're just doing exactly what the government wants you to do. Everyone already thinks you're all poor, uneducated, amoral thugs and all this sort of thing does is confirm that stereotype. And, as a result, when this all blows over, no-ones going to be in a hurry to clean it all up. No-one at all.

I do feel sorry for the regular folk of these areas though. Especially those getting their businesses ransacked by these rag-faced chancers. To them my heart goes out. The rest of you are just tw*ts. If only you took all this 'rage' and used it in a constructive manner, who knows what could be achieved.

Until then, enjoy your free TV's where you can watch 'The Only Way Is Essex' and Baa along like good little sheep. Mugs.

Peace and love

John.

Tunes Currently Chasing My Dragon:

1) Wash - Bon Iver

2) Library Pictures - Arctic Monkeys

3) Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Bob Dylan

4) Sons & Daughters - The Decemberists

5) Ghetto Dreams - Common (feat. Nas)

6) Enter Sandman - Metallica

7) Let's Stay Together - Al Green

8) Chan Chan - Buena Vista Social Club

9) Youthful Expression - A Tribe Called Quest

10) Kettles - Arcade Fire

Lyrics To Live By:

"I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving

England is mine, it owes me a living"

"Still Ill" - The Smiths (1984)

A Word (or two) About Love:

Preach brother! Preach!

Actor Files: Matt Damon

Thanks in no small part to 'Team America', for a good ten years I have been unable to hear this man's name without repeating "Maaaaatt Daaaaamon" like a mongoloid. However, I feel it's time to offer my respects to what has been one of my favourite actors for some years now.

After a few memorable cameos (see: 'Courage Under Fire') Mr. Damon's first big break came when he wrote and starred in the brilliant, and one of my all-time favourites, 'Good Will Hunting' which garnered him and boyhood friend Ben Affleck an Academy Award for best original screenplay. From there, Hollywood mega stardom followed.

"Some people get into this business and they're so afraid to lose anything. They try to protect their position like clinging to a beachhead. These actors end up making really safe choices. I never wanted to go that route. If I go down, I'm going down swinging."

Damon next starred in Spielberg's 'Saving Private Ryan', the criminally underrated 'Rounders' and 'The Talented Mr. Ripley'. All great films and not your typical Hollywood-star fodder. Then came of course the 'Ocean's Eleven' and 'Bourne' series'. When I first saw 'The Bourne Identity' I was skeptical but ended up very pleasantly surprised. In fact I can't really put it better than Paul Rudd's character in the 40 year-old virgin: "I always thought of Matt Damon as a bit of a Streisand, but he's really rocking the shit in this one".

Along with the undoubted success of those films, he also offered stellar performances in films like 'Syriana', 'The Good Shepherd', 'The Informant', and 'True Grit' (which I absolutely loathed. His performance, however, was the one good thing about that film. Ten Oscar nominations? Ten?! F**k right off.) Then came a long overdue Academy Award nomination for his portrayal of Francois Pienaar in 'Invictus', which is a pretty much flawless performance. However, my favourite role from the boy Damon is in Martin Scorcese's 'The Departed'. When that film came out, everyone was talking about Jack Nicholson, or Leonardo DiCaprio, or Alec Baldwin, or Mark Wahlberg (who was good, I admit) but I urge you to go back and watch that film again. Then try telling me that Matt Damon doesn't act rings around everyone else in that film. He is brilliant and that film would be nothing without him.

"I don't hold myself to some higher standard of behaviour. You don't have to do a lot to be seen as 'nice'. I guess some of these people must be such rampant pricks that people are amazed when you say hello. I don't know why people like me, and I don't know if I want to know. That might be the kiss of death. I'd rather people not know a lot about me and go see the films."

But, you see, that's why Matt Damon is such an oddity in this day and age. He has the rare honor of always being good in absolutely everything he's done. He's never done anything shite. Thus everyone simply expects a solid performance from him and when he delivers said performance, it is simply par for the course. I almost want him to do a "Gigli" or "The Happening" or "Elizabethtown" just so we can all be reminded of just how great the man is. One day it'll happen I'm sure. Until that day however, our Matty will have to settle on being one of the richest, most successful humans alive.

Bravo sir.

JB.

P.S - For any actors out there looking for a career model, both on the screen and off it, look no further.

Codex

Right, everyone (all three of you), I want you to go to somewhere peaceful, somewhere quiet and preferably away from other humans. I want you to turn all the lights off and close your eyes. Ingest whatever substance makes you happy - although of course I am not advocating the use of drugs - sit back, relax and play this video:

JB

Things I Love: Man on Wire

This absolutely fascinating documentary is the story of one nutty Frenchman named Phillipe Petit. Back in the early 1970's, Petit was a young circus performer/wire walker/complete crackpot who had a dream, and that dream was to tightrope between the World Trade Center.

How he got to finally do it is a story in itself and listening to the man tell it is one of the more exciting things one can do. I could honestly hear him speak for hours on end and not be bored for a second. Yet we don't just get to hear him speak. Thankfully Phillipe and his team recorded hours of footage of their exploits back in the day, including him tightroping across Notre Dame and over (yes, over) the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

The big prize however was the tallest buildings on earth (still uncompleted at the time). So he assembled a crack team of people and they set to work. The rest is history and all I'll say is that, despite being comfortably rooted on terra firma and in the sanctity of my house, my stomach turned more times than I can remember.

However, what I love most about this film is how moving the whole thing is. Call me a sap, but listening to these people talk about their experiences on these adventures just reminds me of how romantic everything can be if you look at it the right way. Of course, it helps that they are all French (for the most part), but there are so many underlying themes to this story that it resonates on a deeper level than just some madman performing stunts. The end result is a quite beautiful experience.

"Life should be lived on the edge of life. You have to exercise rebellion: to refuse to tape yourself to rules, to not refuse your own success, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge - and then you are going to live your life on a tightrope." (Phillipe Petit)

Peace,

JB

Viva Mexico!

So the past week has been spent south of the border. Had an absolutely fantastic time, met a large amount of beautiful people, and realised quite quickly that I haven't been on a holiday (other than traveling between England and California) for seven and a half years! My love for traveling has officially been reignited and I'm already scoping out the next trip.

My desire to learn Spanish has also been piqued once again. Surrounded by people who could speak the native tongue, while I sat there blurting out "Dos. Cervecas. POR. Fayvor.", was an embarrassment. By the end of the year I plan to have at least a basic knowledge. We'll see how that goes.

All in all an extremely fun time and above all a much needed time. The past year has been a weird one, and as I laid, star-fished out, in the ocean I suddenly realised how mad, bad and beautiful it's all been. Probably helped that I had drank my weight in Tequila the night before...one always gets reflective in such instances.

So now it's back to reality, which is still a bit of a fantasy really, and I feel like spanking some arse (metaphorically speaking) more than ever.

And here's one of the most beautiful songs ever for your enjoyment:

Bob Dylan - "A Simple Twist of Fate" (couldn't find an 'embedable' version)

Peace and Love,

Juanito.

P.S. - Hello Adam!