Dialogue Of The Day

Tony: "My son comes to me the other day, says he doesn't understand what life's all about. Says he's got no purpose"
Doctor: "What did you tell him?"
Tony: "I told him that so far it's cost about a hundred and fifty grand to raise him, so if he's got no purpose, I want a fuckin' refund!"

From "The Sopranos" (Season 2)

Tunes Currently Waxing My Surfboard

1) Life In A Glass House - Radiohead
2) I Ain't The Same - Alabama Shakes
3) "P" Is Still Free - KRS One
4) Jesus Children Of America - Stevie Wonder
5) Trouble Town - Jake Bugg
6) For Heaven's Sake - Wu-Tang Clan
7) Love Me Two Times - The Doors
8) Second, Minute or Hour- Jack Penate
9) Yellow Ledbetter - Pearl Jam
10) It Was A Very Good Year - Frank Sinatra


JB.

Top 10 Films of 2012

Well folks, it's that time of year again. All in all I found it a difficult year for film in general. I can't tell you how many times I went in thoroughly excited and came out thoroughly disappointed (see: "Django Unchained", "Silver Linings Playbook", "Seven Psychopaths" and mostly "The Dark Knight Rises" - which I found offensively bad). However it wasn't all disappointment. Here's my list of 2012. Thoughts and comments are welcome.

10) The Hunger Games - Yes, you read that right. I had absolutely no desire to see this film upon it's release, largely because the trailer made it look like Twilight shite. However, when I finally happened upon this film over xmas, I found it a thoroughly satisfying experience, and a pretty dark one at that. Which is more than I can say for several big movies that came out last year. Also, Jennifer Lawrence would get it. Large.





9) Beasts Of The Southern Wild - This film was made on a shoestring budget and features a fairytale-like story about a bunch of people living beyond the bounds of normal society in deepest post-Katrina Louisiana. Apparently the two leads (a man and his daughter) aren't even actors, which makes their performances all the more remarkable. A truly original film.

8) Beats, Rhymes & Life - An absolutely fascinating documentary about A Tribe Called Quest - pioneering hip-hop act from the 80s/90s and one of my favorite bands of all time. Beautifully illustrates just how difficult it is to maintain boyhood friendship when money and fame get involved. Also features the best soundtrack of the year. Obviously.

7) The Hobbit - Now, as mentioned prior on this here blog, it's hard for me to be unbiased about anything remotely involved with Lord of the Rings. However, after watching this film twice (both in HFR 3D and Regular plain ol' 2D, I can safely say that I think this film is great and another massive achievement for Mr. Peter Jackson. I wasn't bored once. Why it's gotten so much bad press mystifies me, but hey, what do I know. I also thought Martin Freeman did a fine job as Bilbo.

6) The Sessions - A lovely little film based on the true story of Mark O'Brien, a man largely immobilised by polio and spending most of his waking hours in an iron lung. However, at aged 38, Mark decides that he'd like to lose his virginity before he passes to the afterlife. So he hires a sex-surrogate and there begins one of the better stories I've seen all year. John Hawkes gives the performance of his life, as does Helen Hunt. It made me laugh, made me cry, made me want to do better work...all good things, people. All good things.

5) Life Of Pi - This is one of the rare occasions, in the age of information in which we live, where I managed to completely avoid anything to do with this film before I went in. As a result I was completely blown away. A great story, yes, but the visuals were by far the best thing I have seen on a big screen up to this point. Absolutely jaw-dropping. The reason this isn't further up the list is purely for the fact that I'm not sure how good it would be without the spectacular use of 3-D. TBC.

4) Argo - Ben Affleck's third film as a director is a belter. There's a good 45 minute stretch where my arsehole was well and truly puckered. I also thought Affleck did a pretty masterful job directing. The story is one-part CIA thriller, one-part kooky comedy and could have gone so horribly, horribly wrong. However the subject matter is balanced just right and fully deserves all the accolades it is getting.

3) End Of Watch - Another f**king film about the ins and outs of the LAPD? Please God, no! Or at least that's what I initially thought. However, this film was amazing. Shot as a sort of fly-on-the wall mockumentary type affair, we follow Michael Pená and Jake Gyllenhaal around LA's mean streets and, more interestingly, the inner workings of their personal lives. Both of their performances were utterly brilliant, as was the directing - again, handling the old "Reality Style" very well indeed. It irritates me greatly that this film gets no respect for Awards season, as it is vastly better than most everything nominated. Bravo to everyone involved. Bravo.

2) Amour - Now, this was a tough one. This film deals with a little French octogenarian couple in the twilight years of their life. The wife becomes ill and the story goes from there. It was one of the more harrowing experiences I've ever had watching a film (and I paid 15 quid to watch "Batman & Robin"). It is largely bleak, mostly heartbreaking and completely unflinching in it's portrayal of her decay and his suffering as a result. However, what makes this film a work of genius is simply it's title - "Love". What it means to really love someone. What lengths you'd go to for that love. Basically a look at the ugly side of the notion. A place few dare to tread. Genius.

1) The Master - I will admit, I have seen this film 4 times. However, if ever there was a film that merited re-watching, it is Paul Thomas Anderson's sixth effort. Largely because I was completely baffled by it the first time around. The story is of Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix), a rather troubled young man coming home from WWII. After getting into various scrapes and with his life seemingly destined for disaster he happens upon a quasi-religious  group called The Cause, led by one Lancaster Dodd, played brilliantly by Philip Seymour Hoffman. From there, one of the most twisted and bizarre relationship stories begins. There are plenty of technical things to enjoy - the performances which are unanimously magnificent, the cinematography - shot on glorious technicolour 65mm film, and the soundtrack - another deeply unsettling effort from Jonny Greenwood. However what I love most about this film is the simple fact that the story isn't spoonfed to you. This film requires you to think, begs for debate afterwards, leaves everything open for interpretation and bows to no-one. In this day and age, where everything has to be wrapped up in a bow and delivered on a silver platter in order to sell some tickets, this film stands absolutely head and shoulders above the rest. Proving, once again, that no Hollywood director is even close to the work that Paul Thomas Anderson is doing. No-one.

Peace and Love,

JB.

Absurd Rap Lyrics: #542

"Tipped over a cow, just for a joke and laughed. Jumped up, choked a giraffe, snapped it's neck and broke it in half"

Eminem - "Get You Mad" (1999)

2 Minutes Of Goats Yelling Like Humans

Sometimes it's the simple things in life.

 

JB.

St. Valentine's Day

Darwin - big softie

Hello and a happy Valentine's Day (or, as I like to call it, listening to coldplay and wanking in your own tears day) to one and all.

These days, Valentine's Day is of course the one day of the year wherein us humans take the time to acknowledge the one we love and all they have to offer. But, I hear you hark, just who is this St. Valentine and what's he got to do with me having to sit through "Dirty Dancing" for the nineteenth time?

Well, St. Valentine was one of those ancient martyred catholic priests (although back then of course, it was harder not to get killed if one held a position in the church) who provided marriage to the masses when the Roman Empire had outlawed such things at the time. Typical bloody Romans. If you want to read more, check this page - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day

Anyway he got smoked and now we all have to toddle off to Hallmark to get cards and flowers to remind ourselves that a good man suffered in the face of tyranny for the sanctity of marriage - holy matrimony if you will - to remain a facet of our society. As a divorcee, I can't thank the c*nt enough. No, seriously, in these cynical modern times, it's easy to write off this day as simply another corporate snatch at your purse strings but I say nay! What's so wrong with taking a day out to appreciate the dying art of romance? Nothing. Nothing at all, my friends. So grab your loved one, swoon them, kiss them in places undiscovered and appreciate the fact that you are one of the lucky ones whom someone has decided to share their life with, even if only for a day.

Oh, and this song will definitely score you a shag.



Love to all,

JB.

P.S. - This day also marks the anniversary of that wonderful day in 1929 when Al Capone took mortal control of depression-era Chicago's mean streets by slaughtering seven members of rival Bugs Moran's Northside gang. So don't forget to raise a glass to that too.

Lyrics To Live By

"And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies"

"Kathy's Song" - Simon & Garfunkel (1966)

JT

I like Justin Timberlake. There I said it. I used to think (obviously given his time with the world's worst boy band) that he was an absolute tool. However, I heard his solo material and was sold. I took untold amounts of abuse from all my mates for buying his first album when it came out. However, six months later and everyone was dancing like a bellend to his tunes - a few of which will be played at Essex weddings throughout the annals of time.

Now of course he is a world-beating, platinum-selling, movie-making megastar and, on some level, I like to think I'm responsible for that. I think he knows that too. Be nice if he acknowledged it occasionally but I you can't have it all, eh?

Anyway, I happened to catch this performance from last night's grammy awards and my man-crush came back in full force. The first song was marginally gash, however the second one is an absolute tune. I don't care what anyone says........

I'm not gay. Repeat, I am not gay. Honest.

JB.

New Poster

For my new sketch show. I did it on photoshop and it took me bloody ages so someone better leave me a comment stating how brilliant it is, or I might go on a rampage.

Cheers,

JB.

Atoms For Peace

Thom Yorke's side project band has an album coming out on Feb 26th. This makes me excited. Here's their new single.



That is all I have to say on the matter.

JB.

Classic Albums: Either/Or

Elliott Smith - Either/Or  (1997)

With his first two albums, Elliott Smith made a name for as a sort of lo-fi, underground god - singing mostly about doing Heroin ("Needle In The Hay"), getting hammered ("St. Ides Heaven") and generally being a bit glum ("Roman Candle"). I personally am at loathe to describe his music as folk-punk, which many journalists have done over the years, but there really is no better description for his early efforts. All the rage, emotion and intensity are there, just unplugged. Imagine if Sid Vicious was blessed with the quivering voice of an angel and voila. There you have it.

His eponymous second album was extremely well received in the indie community and soon Elliot did what all good artists do, he moved to LA for his next album, Either/Or. From the opening chimes of "Speed Trials" it's clear the Mr. Smith isn't quite finished being morose just yet, however for the first time in his floundering career, he began to expand the musical palette beyond an acoustic guitar and some light drums. "Alameda" finds him in a floaty, Beatles-like state. "Ballad of Big Nothing" is possibly the chirpiest song ever written about a vast empty universe, and then comes "Between The Bars" - a gut-wrenching little number drenched in booze and melancholy, which is a lot better than it sounds.

Now, anyone who knows the story of Elliott Smith knows that he struggled quite monumentally with his fame, resulting in a pretty severe drug habit and ultimately his suicide. Sadly, that is also what makes his music so great, for me at least. It's incredibly personal and everything he's going through is there for us all to see and hear. "Pictures Of Me" is another upbeat number about his struggles with fame, "2:45AM" deals with the consequences of him getting beaten up by another human and so on and so forth. There is no-one better at making beautiful music out of what could be considered depressing subject matter. It just pours out of him.

This album ebbs and flows quietly along, changing gears with subtle ease, exploring the depths of the human soul while still making you hum along. Not an easy feat by any stretch. However, it's not all doom and gloom, "Rose Parade" is a lovely little number regarding an annual Los Angeles ceremony and "Say Yes", the album's last track, positively brims with hope, with Elliott repeatedly crooning "I'm in love with the world, through the eyes of a girl". Thus making it all the more ominous that his tragic end was soon to come and the world was deprived of yet another brilliant, unique, ridiculously talented individual. 

If you're reading this going "who the f*ck is Elliott Smith?", sort your life out! I suggest you visit his back catalogue immediately. Starting right here.

Cheers.

JB.

2013: An Absolute Belter (So Far)...

Well shaft me sideways with a blind man's stick, what a January that was. Of course a by-product of having such a wonderful month is the absolute lack of posting on this blog. However, last I checked, this fact had absolutely no impact on the daily life of anyone...so cest la vie really.

You got that right, random plane picture off Google Images

Upon returning to Satan's Playground, after the relaxed (see: eating and drinking myself into oblivion) happiness of being back home for Xmas, life has been a blur. I went straight back to work for a few days, then shot all weekend, then went back to work for a full week, then shot all weekend again, then booked a commercial, for which I had I to fly to Seattle for 4 days, then came home and got royally shitfaced. Santori times indeed.

First off I should report that we managed to finish principal photography on "Starving In Hollywood" - my beautifully insane little sketch show. Thus concluding one of the more stressful, challenging shoots I've ever embarked on. By the end of the second week (without having a day off) I was absolutely, mercilessly knackered beyond pale. However, the experience was completely and utterly worth it as we got more funny material in the can than I know what to do with. I've never worked with more talented actors. Everyone who came in to do even the smallest part was nothing short of magnificent - making already mildly offensive material positively appalling. I'd like to think this was down to the shrewdness of my directing skills, however I'm pretty sure it wasn't.

Also included in these two weekends was the most efficient day of shooting I've ever had at the helm of a project. Nothing makes me happier than starting the day with a schedule in hand, utterly terrified at what's ahead, only to then find that everything goes smoother than you ever could've imagined, you've got all the coverage you wanted and you're wrapped precisely when you intended to be. It makes a man realise that he may not be as incompetent as once feared - a feeling that is indescribably great, my friends.

Then came the commercial and a trip to Seattle. This marked the first time I had ever shot "on location" and I must say that it is something I could get used to, and get used to quite quickly. To be paid handsomely to travel to place you've never been is literally everything I've ever wanted in life. Indeed there was a moment when filming our twelfth hour of the first day, freezing my tits off in the pissing rain when a huge grin stretched it's way across my face and I thought "blimey, I'm in f*cking SEATTLE!!!". It didn't help the scene much, but felt good nonetheless. I can't even imagine doing something like "Lord of the Rings". I'd have a permanent woody, I think.

Seattle - they love a good market

Also, I can't begin to tell you what a relief it was to just be an actor on a shoot - literally for the first time in ages. The first few hours I found myself inadvertently fretting about how everything would cut together, or whether we were on schedule, or whether the continuity was working, or whether barking dogs would ruin takes or blah blah blah. Then suddenly I realised I had nothing to do with that and should just relax and focus on being all handsome and hilarious. So I did. Sort of. Anyway, the crew I worked with up there really were some of the loveliest people I've ever come across and the whole experience was one of the better ones I've had. To top it all off, I had almost a full day to myself before I left to go and explore the city. And what a beautful city it is. I can't be arsed to go all "Lonely Planet" and extoll it's virtues here - you want that shit, go elsewhere hombre - but I will simply say, in my simplest Essex slang, it was the absolute bollocks.

All in all, as the title suggests, 2013 has been pretty excellent so far. More to come hopefully. Until then, good people of the interweb, here's a song that I have not been able to get out of my head for the past ten days. Enjoy.

Peace,

JB.

P.S - The Superbowl....pile of shite. That is all.