Friday - Hey, it's 105 degrees outside? I know what I'll do, drink heavily. Sod hydration. Beer tent. Expensive but needed. Met lovely older couple from Texas. Been invited to their house already, marvelous. Feel very pissed. Oh look, it's the Arctic Monkeys! Sweet. I'll pogo around like a loon despite feeling a bit worse for wear. Starting to turn. Don't feel good. "R U Mine?" is an absolute tune. Where are my friends? Where is anyone? I'm freaking out badly and now have a pounding migraine. My phone's dead. How do I get home? When will this nightmare end?! Oh, Pulp are on stage. Nice. I think I'm dying. Oh well, it's been a fun ride. I need my phone back and running. Mobile Charging Station = Hell on Earth. Massive amounts of heatstroke have kicked in. Awful feeling. Oi, 16 year-old, give me your phone charger now! Ahhh finally in a cab. Cabbie laughs at me and says "Coachella kick your ass, huh?" I want to kill him. Ahhh finally home. God, it's only half nine, I must be getting too old for all this. Shit, I missed The Black Keys. I feel sick....(Vomit noises for 32 minutes approx)....my throat hurts. I hate festivals. Sleep.
Saturday - Can one actually die from heat stroke? I need breakfast. Scared it will come straight back out. Kept breakfast down. Result. Nap time. Shit, gonna be late for the Head and the Heart. Made it to the Head and the Heart. Solid band. Fun as always. Andrew Bird is an actual living, breathing genius - makes me feel quite inferior in every way. Time to try a beer...first sip good. Second sip, not so good. Shit. Water it is. What's this, a speakeasy? You need a password to get in? Pretty sure I heard some drunken knobhead shout it out. "When Bulls Fly". We're in. Fuuuuuuuck this is amazing! A hidden bar. A rockin' swing band called The BoomBoomBoom. Insanity all around. I want this to never end. 15 minutes later, it does. The Shins? Not that good live really are they? I find Feist oddly attractive, and she's rocking the house far more than I thought possible. Up the front for Bon Iver. If I stay here I'll be VERY close for Radiohead. "Skinny Love" - beautiful song. "Calgary" - beautiful song. Massive push forward. Waiting for Radiohead....don't think I've ever been hotter. OH MY GOD they're on! "Bloom" sounds f**king amazing live. All other (great) acts I've seen today suddenly seem like absolute child's play. "Lotus Flower" is rocking my world. Yorke is god. Watching Thom sing "we hope that you choke" to a field of hipsters puts a huge grin on my face. Paranoid Android. The band cracks up during the "raaaaain doowwwwwn" bit. The end. Spectacular show. Friends have all gone home. Three hour wait for a cab. Must walk. Blisters. Agony. Get picked up by a Mexican gangbanger. He gets on the phone, says the following: "I got one. I'm on 52nd, heading towards the cemetery, meet me over there". I shit my pants and start hoping there is a god. At the next red, I throw twenty dollars at him and bolt. When bolting, a blister bursts. Agony again. Shoe removal. Walk a mile and a half barefoot. Bed. 3.45AM. Can't sleep.
Sunday - Praise the lord, I'm alive. Alive but knackered. Back to bed. Up late. Off to festival. Finally it's a bit cooler, or is it simply that anything is cooler than being up the front for Radiohead last night? Back to the speakeasy, not as good this time. Always the way isn't it? Still can't drink. The Hives sound absolutely brilliant. Too hot for all that though. Blimey, Gotye is really fecking good. I had no clue. Mass clear-out after "Somebody That I Used to Know", Gotye watches in disappointment before declaring "people aren't so nice". Those who stay to the end show extra loud support (myself included) and are treated to an incredible final song, which I'm still trying to find online. Calvin Harris? No, I think I'll stay here and contemplate my existence instead. Surrounded by weirdos. Excessive amounts of neon. Why do people keep asking me for drugs? Specifically "Molly" which I google to find out it's street slang for pain killers. I've never felt so un-hip. Beirut are amazing live. Very nice to hear trumpets and accordians on a Sunday night. Great vibe in the tent, everyone dancing and having a grand old time. They finish with "Nantes" which is positively joyous. FOOD. Florence and the Machine - quality act. Makes everyone jump around and go mental. Snoop and Dr. Dre are in front of me...amazing. "Deep Cover" baby....'cos it's 1-8-7 on an undercover cop! So much weed being smoked around me. I'm catching a contact. "Caaaaaaaalifornia Loooooove". Oh look, 50 Cent. Oh look, Eminem. Oh look, 2Pac! He looks real and I'm pretty sure he just said "what's up coachella?" Weirdest thing I've ever seen. "Hail Mary". He's disappeared. I got chills, they're multiplying. Not sure how I feel about resurrecting the dead. Rappers are very aggressive with the crowd, it's hilarious. I am definitely high. "Still D.R.E." The end. Normal journey home for the first time all weekend. Pizza. Tea. Bed.
JB.
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