Six Word Film Reviews: The Raid 2

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

JB.

Lyrics To Live By

"No, I've never had a job
because I never wanted one.
I've seen you smile
but I've never really heard you laugh. 
So who is rich and who is poor, I cannot say"

From "You've Got Everything Now" by The Smiths (1984)

Dialogue of the Day

Girl:  "Here's a picture of my dog, Charlie"
Brett: "Oh, I see, so he's…more of a cat?"
Girl: "No, I just dressed him up for Halloween"
Brett: "Oh, right. Yeah"

From "Flight of the Conchords" (Series 2)

I can't tell you how much this made me laugh the other day. It's still making me laugh now. God knows why...

JB.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman

This is incredible. Have a watch and admire one of the greatest.

JB.

Tunes Currently Basting My Turkey

                                                     

1) Happy - Pharrell Williams

2) Warm Night - The Concretes

3) Won't Get Away - Phil Beaudreau

4) The Hypnotic - The Roots

5) Far From Any Road - The Handsome Family

6) Keep It Rollin' - A Tribe Called Quest

7) Riptide - Vance Joy

8) Wake Up Alone - Amy Winehouse

9) Let it Loose - The Rolling Stones

10) The Present Tense - Thom Yorke


JB

Great Reads: "The Disaster Artist" by Greg Sestero

The Room. A film written by, directed by, produced by and indeed starring a man named Tommy Wiseau. It is widely regarded as the single worst film ever made, which is saying something considering there exists "Batman and Robin". However, such is the depth of the atrocity of this film that it has, somehow, against inconceivable odds, become a cult classic. Unbelievably, large cities all over the world, yes…the world, still continue to screen this film on a regular basis to this day and, seemingly long into the future.

This fact wouldn't be as miraculous as it is if you'd never seen a frame of this film. It can't be that bad? I hear you all think. After all, it is making money and people still flood to see it. You must be wondering.  Again, this attitude can only be held if you have never seen a frame of this film. I have. It is unbelievably crap. However, so spectacular, so unfathomable is the crapness that I found myself compelled beyond my will to not only watch it once, but watch it repeatedly over time, and indeed urge my friends to do that same. Why? I will never, ever know.

So, who is this strange, tasteless, talent-vortex, Tommy Wiseau? Therein lies the key question (one which remains unanswered) in this book. Written by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell - although methinks I know who did the bulk of the work - this book tells the story of the making of The Room, through the eyes of Sestero himself. In the film, Greg plays the 'character' of Mark - named after Wiseau's favorite actor…Mark Damon. He also served as a line producer and seemingly only friend in the world to Tommy himself.

From the opening page, this book is laugh-out-loud-people-think-I'm-a-lunatic-on-the-train hilarious, and I do not use that term lightly. I have never in my life found myself buckled over, belly laughing, to the written page as much as I was here. From the moment that Sestero lays eyes on Mr. Wiseau in an acting class in San Francisco, absolute hilarity ensues. The two men - one a handsome model/rising starlet in the Hollywood scene, the other a deranged, lank-haired lunatic - forge one of the most bizarre friendships that has surely ever existed and went on to make one of the worst films of all time. Together. Despite being embroiled in a sort of personal cold war seemingly the entire time of knowing each other. Brilliant.

What makes this book so incredibly fascinating is down to several factors. One, the story of the film itself, which cost 6 million dollars to make, was self-financed by Tommy Wiseau (this despite no-one knowing where the money came from…to this day), saw three crews resign and has probably more plot-holes than I've had hot dinners. Yet, somehow, some way, it not only got made, but became a success. It's the stuff of Hollywood legend.

Two, the style of the narrative, which alternates between "present day" on set stuff from the making of the film itself and "flashback" stuff of Greg Sestero and his rise through the ranks of Hollywood, and I say that in the loosest possible terms, is a very interesting way to tell this story, the parallels between these two lives and the lives of many, many, people in this town are scarily frequent.

Finally, three, the use of two movies to illustrate the weird goings on transpiring before us. Those movies being the mighty "Sunset Boulevard" and "The Talented Mr. Ripley", neither of which could be more apt. The former being the dark Billy Wilder classic about a man who befriends an elderly former starlet, now in her twilight years, the latter being the one where Mark Damon does all sorts of bad shit.

It's a hilarious tale of ups, downs, heartbreaks, triumphs and some spectacularly unreasonable tantrums. But, above all, this book is about the sheer power of having a clear vision and being utterly unwavering in the belief you have in yourself. All you need is a weird accent, an unlimited bank balance and, apparently a complete and utter lack of self-awareness. As for an answer to the question 'who is Tommy Wiseau'? I don't think we'll ever know, and the world is a little bit better for it.

Please watch the film and read the book. Now. You will thank me for it.

JB.

Well Played, Seth Rogen...

Having had the pleasure of hearing this man give a speech, and the utter displeasure of having someone very close to me affected by this disease, I urge you all to watch this video, enjoy the hilarity, and maybe think about the message.

Cheers,

JB.

Dystopian Future Shit

This collection is utterly brilliant. Enjoy...



JB.

Vance Joy

So, I went to a music showcase last night wherein up and coming bands played 4 songs each. One of them was this fella. My tiny mind was blown.

JB.

Shakermaker

Can we all just agree that this song is the utter nuts.

That be all.

JB.

Quote of the Day

"When I mention God, and Angels and all that seemingly biblical stuff in songs….my wife is an angel to me. And a real one. Because she appeared out of the smoke of a nightclub when I was at my lowest. And I've never looked back since then. To me, she's an angel. But she's real. She's not a heavenly body. I can touch her. And I do, regularly, and it's great"

Noel Gallagher (The Meaning of Life - 2013)

Lyrics To Live By

"It'll take more than whiskey, 
to make this nightmare go away"

From "Blue Valentines" by Tom Waits

Cyber Land

So….let's talk the internet. Now, if the hilarious musical "Avenue Q" is to be believed, then the internet is solely for one thing: porn. I myself have spent many years researching this matter and while I can safely say that I haven't used it solely for porn…you get my point.

However, these days there is another use for the internet, besides making my mother ashamed of me, and that use is a new and strange phenomenon called "online distribution". It is a brave new world and one that I (we) have been exploring vigorously of late. To give you, the reader, some context; what happened is that my cohorts and I made the informed decision to release Starving In Hollywood online on the most miserable of days (speaking only for myself, of course), Valentine's Day. Thus somewhat conceding to the fact that TV execs aren't exactly beating down our door to put our show on telly and make us rich beyond our wildest dreams. Indeed, so low had the bar been lowered that I would've settled for a few likes on Facebook and maybe a 'well done, lad' from my Nan.

I digress.

Then, wouldn't you know it, right at the death our trailer came across some eyes, impartial eyes, eyes that weren't from my friends or family or people on my twitter account. These eyes liked what they saw and wanted more. So we sent over the first episode and the owner of these eyes liked that even more. Long story short, this blessed soul took mercy on us and vowed to put us in touch with "online distribution companies" who would, apparently, be interested in this sort of thing. Obviously it's all to be taken with a pinch of salt at this point but I can't tell you how gratifying it feels to have someone you've never met tell you that you're doing good work.

Anyway, the part about online distribution I don't quite yet understand is this: how does one make money off of it, exactly? TV it seems relatively straight-forward enough - you sign a contract, you get paid. Regardless of viewing figures. If people aren't watching, you get sacked. But you still got paid and at least you're not a complete failure. However, with this inter web malarky the path seems less clear. For example, if you put a video of yourself hilariously dancing naked in front of a white wall so we can only see your shadow (a mate of mine actually did this) and that video "goes viral" - as they say - then you only begin to make money if you get a certain number of hundreds of thousands of views and even then the proceeds are minimal. However, I suppose, that's where these companies come in and help. Unbeknownst to me, there is an actual science to getting things seen online - actual algorithms and such - a modern day, covert-style art to this stuff. Begs the question, is it morally wrong to manipulate the system, also begs the question - do I actually care?

The fact of the matter is that times are a-changin'. The way we consume content has gone from TV, Cinema, Home Movie to phone, laptop, tablet etc etc etc. As Netflix have gloriously proven, it means the rules are changing - hopefully for the better - and upstart little oiks like myself may finally have the voice we've so longed for. Without, necessarily, the typical corporate structure. Maybe I'm getting all romantic about the idea based on a flicker of a prayer, or maybe we just might be on to something. Who knows, my friends. Who knows?

I've sort of lost my point, I think - that's what chronic insomnia and alcohol will do to you - which was that good news may be on the way. If we do sign with one of these companies, there is potential to make money off what we did and, more excitingly, development money to do more. This news is better than a kick in the gonads, let me tell you. I've tried both. So, our release date is postponed indefinitely while we await further meetings, and potential contract negotiations. All of this, of course, could still amount to nothing. As I say though, at this stage in the game, any help will do.

Also, I'm almost finished with my new short film. Here's a teaser for it. If one more person tells me it's like the Coen Brothers I'm going to go mad. Only joking, of course, that's about the highest praise I've ever had. From anyone. Ever. Enjoy.

Peace and love.

JB

Fiery Hawk

This is almost exactly like just about every commercial audition I've ever been in for:

JB.

Tunes Currently Mowing My Lawn

1) Cavalier - James Vincent McMorrow
2) Ten Cent Pistol - The Black Keys
3) Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams - The Velvet Underground
4) Raw - Big Daddy Kane
5) #88 - Lo-Fang
6) Standing Next To Me - Last Shadow Puppets
7) Use Me - Bill Withers
8) What Is This Thing Called Love? - Leo Reisman
9) Staircase - Radiohead
10) Pour Out A Little Liquor - 2pac

Starving In Hollywood - Full Trailer

Well folks, this internet promotion thing makes about as much sense to me as quantum physics but here is the full trailer for our show. Hopefully it'll cross the right eyes as soon as humanly possible…

Starving in Hollywood - Trailer - watch more funny videos

Six Word Film Reviews: The Wolf of Wall Street

Fantastic acting. Masterful direction. Brilliant film.

The Master

One of the best scenes of the last few years…

JB

Get Some Good Headphones...

….and turn this up LOUD.

In advance, you're welcome.

JB.

Dialogue of the Day

"One time, many years ago, I fell for this girl…and, I'm ashamed to say this, but she was the great love of my life. It was a very passionate relationship, I loved her very intensely and we just made love everywhere. She was sexually carnivorous. We did it in elevators, in bushes and people's houses, at parties in the bathroom, in the back of cars, she put a coat on our laps and grab my hand and put it between her legs. She'd sniff cocaine right when she was having an orgasm. She was really something. I was getting an education. I was fascinated. I was absolutely nuts about her. And ultimately…..she ended up in a mental institution"

From "Husbands and Wives" (Woody Allen, 1992)

Ballad Of Big Nothing

One of those days…

JB

New Stuff

So, what on earth have I been up to? I hear you ask.

Well, the journey with "Starving In Hollywood" continues. Negotiating the murky waters of the industry has been an interesting and extremely frustrating experience. In this day and age, methods of distribution are apparently changing by the second. Depending on who you talk to, TV - as we know it - is a thing of the past, and the future lies with the internet. Increasingly, us humans are watching content on laptops, on netflix, on phones, on iPads etc etc. so online streaming is bigger than ever. All of which should play precisely into our hands, right? Surely we can just put our show on youtube and reap the spoils after millions of people tune in and enjoy? Well, apparently not. As the things that do well on youtube are things like "cat jumps over gate" (which is, admittedly, fecking hilarious). There seems to be a solid marketing path for show concepts, pilots or pitches, however finished content - such as ours - seems to be all dressed up with nowhere to go. Which is annoying, to say the least. My logic would dictate that having something finished is better than having an idea not yet begun, but then again, what do I know?

Therefore the best option remains, at this moment in time, trying to negotiate the Iron Wall of the Managers/Agents/Production Companies and hoping that somehow, some way, someone may take a passing interest enough to go "I like it, here's some money". Stay tuned, friends.

To cheer myself up, I embarked on something I said I'd never do, which is make another short film. However, when the opportunity came around, the people involved on the production side and what they would bring to the table for little to no cost made me instantly change my mind. The result was the filming of a script that I'd had written for a few years now called "Head-Side Up". Here's a poster for it…

The shoot itself was the best one I have ever had, and certainly, by far, my best experience as a director. For the first time in a long time, I felt at ease, in total command of the form, and enjoying every second of it. I think a large part of this feeling comes purely from experience - which dictates how long you should schedule, which locations to use, what lighting schemes you like, how to handle set-backs (an absolutely inevitability) and the best way to work with actors, which I basically find is giving them a nice, relaxed, environment to let them do their work. A large part also comes from having the right crew around you which, for the first time ever, I did. That is why, folks, it pays to get out and work because, by doing so, you accumulate the good people and sift out the…not so good ones. At the risk of sounding like a capitalist pig, I can't tell you how much easier my job is when you know everyone around you is doing theirs. Marvelous stuff and certainly pretty integral to the film-making process, which is hard enough as it is. This project also marked the first time that I directed without also being an actor in the film, which again made life a great, great deal easier and was equally satisfying. Fun times all round, really.

Also, I've been hired to edit multiple projects over the past few months. All of which have gone absolutely swimmingly. In fact, editing continues to be endless source of fascination for me. It really is remarkable what you can do. You can turn a good performance bad and a bad one good in a matter of frames. So, any actors (female mainly) out there remember to give your editor (me) a nice, healthy blow job at the start of every project and things will turn out just fine. In fact, such is the importance of editing, you can actually turn a good film bad, or indeed make a bad one good - well, reasonable maybe - so the same rule applies to all you directors (female) out there also. I even edited an editing reel. And here it is…

Other than that, I've just been keeping my head down, my chin up, and my lyrics on point. If I think of anything else interesting I've done, I'll let you know. Don't hold your breath.

Much love to everyone for your continued support and interest in this here writing space.

Cheers,

John.

Top 10 Films of 2013

Hello and Happy New Year to you all. My sincere apologies for being away for so long. Lots of menial stuff to be written in this here 2014 but let's start with the most hotly anticipated 'best of' list on planet earth:

10) Fruitvale Station - Sundance darling and true story of the last day of Oscar Grant, who was killed by the Oakland transport police. From the opening shot, which is real footage of the incident itself, the lump in your throat starts to form and never lets up. At the end, I was positively in tatters. Beautifully directed and featuring an outstanding lead performance from Michael B. Jordan.

9) Mud - This story takes place in the deep backwoods of the Mississippi river, where two young boys befriend a love-sick hobo. Sounds ridiculous. It's not. It's actually a pretty wonderful coming-of-age tale by Jeff Nichols (who is fast becoming one of the better directors out there) and a great cast, including Matthew McConaughey doing almost his best work (see #5)

8) Only God Forgives - As I mentioned previously on this blog, I loved this film. Many didn't. Many find it to be offensively bad. It is a completely perplexing, ultraviolent, enigma wrapped in a mystery of a film, and certainly not an easy watch, that is for certain. However, I liked it. A lot. That's pretty much I can say.

7) Before Midnight - The third of Richard Linklater's "Before..." trilogy which follows Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy's romantic journey together. The first film we watched them meet, the second they rekindled, the third (this one) they are together, married, parents of two children and struggling to hold it all together. This film is about people talking, and talking, and talking some more. Yet when the dialogue and acting is this good, I found myself totally engrossed the entire time. It is literally like being a fly on the wall into someone else's relationship. You want to watch through your eyes at times, but overall you'll be glad you did. Beautiful film.

6) Prisoners - To this day I am completely baffled by the lack of award-season recognition for this film. It may be down to the subject matter at hand, which we can safely call "dark". There is not one facet of this film that's not excellent. The cinematography and performances of Gyllenhaal, Jackman and Dano being most noteworthy. First-class stuff.

5) Dallas Buyers Club - I went into this film thinking it was going to be an "oh, look Matthew McConaughey's got AIDS, watch him lose weight and affect all of our lives with his heaviness. However, I could not have been more wrong. An outstandingly directed, life-affirming bit of cinema done in the least cheesy way you could imagine and McConaughey's performance is nothing short of iconic. Jared Leto is also excellent...but then aren't we all when wearing a dress.

4) Nebraska - Black and White ultra-slow burner about a borderline senile man trying to claim a fake lottery win? Surely that can't be good, can it? Turns out it can, with Alexander Payne proving once again that he is the absolute master of making films about middle-aged men that somehow get right under your skin. Well played all.

3) Behind The Candleabra - This film does something which I personally think is a very hard thing to pull off (no pun intended) it paints a very dark tale in a bright and shiny package. Obviously it's hard to not be bright and shiny when telling the story of Liberace (played by Michael Douglas who has rarely been better), but make no mistake friends, this is a dark, dark, tale about the trappings of fame and fortune. Matt Damon brilliant as always and will be overlooked again. Oh, by the way, this film is extremely gay. Makes The Birdcage look like Fight Club.

2) Her - Joaquin Phoenix lives in the future and falls in love with a computer, which sounds ridiculous but this is one of the most original, moving and funny films I've seen in recent memory. Similar to "Lars and The Real Girl" in the sense that the sheer preposterousness of the plot goes immediately out of the window due to the quality of the film-making. I aspire to make something this good one day, which is about the highest praise I can give it. In fact, any other year I'm certain this film would be #1 on my list. This year however, all bucked under the weight of...

1) 12 Years A Slave - It's hard to say I enjoyed this film, such is the nature of the subject matter and the way it's portrayed, however it's harder not to bow down and respect a truly magnificent piece of work such as this. 12 Years... tells the true (incredibly) story of Solomon Burke, a free black man tricked and sold back into slavery, and it is every bit as harrowing, stomach-churning and awful as you'd expect. Obviously I didn't cry because I'm a bloody bloke and that's not what we do. However, my eyes happened to get very sweaty multiple times during this film, resulting in what looked like tears pretty much continuously running down my face. If Steve McQueen and Chiwetel Ejiofor don't win every award under the sun, then there really is something wrong with the world. An absolute masterpiece in every way. See it. At once.

There you have it. The world can breathe again.

Let's see if I can keep up this blogging lark for 2014.

Onwards.

John.