Terrible Films (continued...)

By popular demand, well two people technically, I have decided to expand my all time worst films to a list of 10. Now, Magnolia is off the list because it has yet to stand the test of time. I have also excluded shite which no-one would expect to be good in the first place ('You Got Served', Spiceworld, Boat Trip etc.) So, in ascending order once again:

10) Tommy Boy (1995) - Oh I get it, a fat bloke and a skinny bloke together in the same film is HILARIOUS! Except it's not, is it. If someone could explain how this film is considered "comedy" I'd really appreciate it. Also, could you please explain how David Spade has had a career? Thanks.

9) The Matrix Revolutions (2003) - Yay! Zion is saved! Oh wait...I couldn't give a f**k. So bad that it managed to ruin the once-brilliant first film all on it's own accord. Just bile-inducing from beginning to end. Also features the most pointless fight ever.

8) Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) - Why would you do that to us, George? Why? Why would you want to take something sacred and holy and shit all over it, viciously raping it until it's last dollar falls into your lap? Jar Jar Binks, George? Why, George? Why?

7) Deep Blue Sea (1999) - This film is almost redeemed by the scene where Samuel L. Jackson gets eaten, mid-inspiring speech. However, this moment of hilarity is quickly off-set by sharks that can twist bolts, open locked doors, read, write, play the guitar etc. and LL Cool J killing the final shark with his "bling". A turkey for the ages.

6) Miami Vice (2006) - This Michael Mann re-make of the TV series is deeply, epicly, crap. The plot is...well...there is no plot. The 'action scenes' look like I shot them on my phone and it features one of the most wooden (but actually hilarious) love stories of all time, including Colin Farrell prancing about spouting absurd one-liners like "We made moves on each other". Garbage.

I need a shower.

John.