So, folks, I apologize (again to all two of you) for the lack of posting on this blog. This is partly down to the fact that sometimes it's hard to muster up the energy to warble on for paragraphs knowing you have no audience whatsoever - like performing Hamlet in a cave - however it is mostly because I have been biting my tongue on certain things that have displeased me lately. Being the state of the world today I am smart enough not to overtly "diss" anyone on the world-wide web. However...
Very recently I attended the LA premiere of a short film, held at a VERY prestigious agency building, by their latest signing and new "hot" director. I will admit that, even before going in, I was dubious to the quality of said film by it's title alone (which I can't mention but let's call it "Turd On Fire", for storytelling purposes). However, as I sat in the private cinema, and more people filed in - a number of them big-time producers and agents etc - I started to think to myself "Well, if all these people are supporting this film, by golly it must be good.
The film was then introduced by a number of people involved in the making of it, including the director, who seemed like a thoroughly nice chap. So I sat back and wished him all the best. The lights went down and "Turd on Fire" began.
What then followed was the single worst 25 minutes I had ever seen committed to celluloid....and I've seen "Brothers", people. I have never been so offended in all my life. Not only was this film poorly written, terribly acted and desperately lacking of any storyline, it was almost unbearably violent, not in a cool grindhouse-type way, but in the most appallingly trashy way imaginable. Shock for the sake of shock. Nothing more. It was, from start to finish, nasty, black-hearted, garbage.
And what reaction did it receive when the credits rolled? A massive, very long and very loud, round of applause. The exact words I heard behind me were "Man 1: Oh my god. Why is isn't this guy directing movies like 'John Carter'?" Man 2: "Well, that's a discussion that will be had in the building very soon, I'm sure".
I stormed out.
The reason for my utter disgust with "Turd on Fire" was several-fold. One, without giving too much away, it was set in territory in which you could say I'm familiar (like, 25 years familiar). Two, this was being touted by a (as previously mentioned) very influential and successful agency. Three, it was terrible. And Four, for the money they spent, I'm confident I personally could have delivered a film a hundred thousand times better than that....this point may be open to debate. However the reason I'm so righteously upset by this venture is because it was so obviously devoid of any kind of imagination, wit, charm, subtlety, and most glaringly, heart. It was the cinematic equivalent of being battered about the skull with a blunt force by a juvenile offender for the entire time watching it. Horrible horrible horrible.
The saddest part of this whole debacle is that afterwards, this bloke literally had scores of people offering congratulations, no doubt anointing him as 'the next big thing' or whatever the fuck it is they talk about. I can't say I know, I didn't hang around long enough to find out.
It thus makes me wonder. You see, the one thing this film had going for it was that a pretty successful director (again, can't name him, so let's refer to him, or her, as Lumpysack McMoistgroin) Executive Producing it. How this happened, I do not know. However, by association with Lumpysack, who is a proven money-maker for studios, this film, and of course the writer/director of it, gets a massive leg-up. Indeed such was the dynamic in the air last night that I honestly believe, after the introductions, the previously established connection to Lumpysack, and the surrounding 'hype' etc., that the actual content of the film was, at this point, completely irrelevant. We could have sat and watched twenty minutes of a woman vomiting in a bucket, and the response would have been the same. That crowd of industry bigwigs were primed and ready to be amazed, and amazed they were, despite what actually passed their eyes.
This was a glimpse into the soul of Hollywood I had yet to see before and it left me momentarily reeling. What chance have I got against the black hearted demon I had just been thrust before? Is it possibly true, that all Hollywood wants is some douche who can film people swearing and stabbing each other and will play ball when asked? Is talent a factor at all? Is it really all just dumb luck and nepotism? I will admit, for a moment, all hope was lost.
However, after the red mist faded I was left with a kind of bizarre, if potentially misguided, optimism about the whole thing. It seems to me that the industry is obviously crying out for authentic voices. Genuine talents. Anyone that can do anything! Indeed it must be a sorry state of affairs if this turgid piece of loaf is the new big thing. Therefore I can safely come to only one conclusion, that conclusion being that there is indeed hope for us all. Right?
.........right?
.........hello?
.........anyone?
..........helloooo?
..........
JB.
1 comment:
Keep head up and keep believing in what you do mate and your time will come!
Nose
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