Madness At Every Turn

Turning 30 has had several effects on my life so far. The most potent one being a crystalised fear that I might actually amount to nothing if I don't pull my finger out and make something happen. Nothing like the fear of failure to light a fire up your backside! If anyone ever decides to embark in a career in the business of show, there comes a point where one must face the fact that it's simply not going to happen the way you want it to. In my case, this meant a grim realisation that Steven Speilberg might not hack into my computer, read my scripts and think I'm a genius.

Thus the only way to get what you want is to work hard and push yourself out of the comfort zone. Not just on the odd occasion either! To get anywhere, be it acting, writing, directing, or just getting a decent job in LA, you basically have to live perpetually out of your comfort zone otherwise you ain't gettin' nowhere!

This theory is a difficult one to grasp for a lazy swine like myself, for whom it is so so easy to sit at home, read books, watch films, listen to albums and eat myself into oblivion. So I have tried my damnedest to get up, get out and do the things that terrify me on a daily basis. It is a constant battle and, for me at least, does not come naturally thus meaning a continuous, concerted effort. So far the results have been revelatory.

With a heavy heart (see previous post) I went into several auditions this week, all of which went relatively well. Got one part but had to turn it down due to a conflicting work schedule (very hollywood darling, I know). Had to read for a promotional spot with Zak Galifinakis - meaning the promotional spot involved him, but he wasn't there (much to my disappointment). However, that particular audition was by far the hardest I have ever had - three full pages of dialogue including singing, dancing, whistling and generally behaving like an utter fool in front of the moodiest group of tw*ts I've come across so far. Dignity, see you later!

Most of my other auditions were for student projects / low budget flicks of varying degrees of professionalism. One of them involved my first trip to CAZT Casting studios, which is an utter madhouse. For any actors out there who are feeling a little down on their luck, I suggest you spend an afternoon in the waiting area at CAZT....you'll feel better in no time.

Last night I had an audition for a comedy Improv troupe in the Valley. Again, dignity would not be required for another hour and a half of my life. However, just getting up and doing Improv again reminded me of just how much I love doing it. You basically get to be an absolute bell-end, in various different guises, and pretend to be Paul Whitehouse for a few minutes. To say it went well would be an understatement, I don't even care if I get in. I had so much fun doing it that it became a reward in itself. I even got to do some impressions, which always makes me happy. Marvelous really.

So as far as auditions go, no matter how stupid they may seem, or how undignified the whole process is, just by going through them you're already winning half the battle. So go through them we must...time and again. Even the best get turned down every now and then:

Still, the pursuit of real (see: Paid) work continues in haste. All going well, my reel should be done tomorrow, leaving me open next week to start whoring myself out to agents. The reel is looking relatively smart and a good representation of what I can do (at this point in my career) so fingers crossed on that front.

Now I just need some money to finish my short, which is so close but my skills (or lack thereof) just cannot take it any further. It needs a professional's touch, which of course costs money...always the way, isn't it? So until then, I suppose it's all about staying positive (easier said than done), pushing the limits and always keeping it gangsta...obviously.

Peace,

John.